Cleaver of Justice
by zzetta13
Summary: Satire of the tv-series Game of Thrones…. Strictly tongue-in-cheek and only the first of a few short chapters (about 2). Hope you like and see the sport of this creation, Z


_**Game of Thrones: Cleaver of Justice**_

"_**Randov Cleaver"**_

Author's note: As we all know, shows like _The walking Dead, Firefly, Game of Thrones, Defiance and so on_, operate in their own little worlds (or universes)….and, as we watch, they seem so perfect in drawing us in (the cocaine bastards…..only joking)….Anyhoo…I love them for that. I also enjoy that they leave us, the fans, room to come here and express our own ideas. It is fun for me to jot down these visions that encapsulate my brain (and let things spill out no matter how crazy & weird they seem to become). Anyway….

This is an idea I dreamed up a little time ago…..a comical scene I'd love to see parodying the fan-television favorite, _Game of Thrones_. Although I do watch the show, I must admit that I am way behind in catching up….Anyhoo, I've written this a bit differently. It's drafted more as an AU comical "script" (being recorded by a film crew), rather than a serious venture in trying to capture the mood of the show (The entire thing expressed in a gesture of prank and silliness other than canon fashion). I Hope that the light-hearted structure of the work is well received. And I thank you for reading, Z

Now, in the tradition of Monty Python (Monty Python & The Holy Grail) I bring you GoT: Randov Cleaver: Cleaver of Justice (Randov Cleaver portrayed by the actor Sean Harris- _Prometheus_).

_************ Travels ************_

_The scene opens with a man driving a cart pulled by two mules in medieval times…..He is a scruffy looking individual, reddish-brown of hair and with a beard. He is out in the open territories….destination unknown by the viewer; until he turns to the camera and begins to speak_.

"Hello, my name is Cleaver, Randov Cleaver. So you've heard of me...No? Well you must be an out-of–towner. Let me explain. As I've mentioned before, my name is Randov, Randov Cleaver, "_Cleaver of Justice"_. I know I know….ironic is the tone, but I pray you understand that Lord Lannister finds nothing humorous about his dutiful rule over the THIRD KINGDOM….and it seems that he has instructed me to be his alternate HAND. THIRD HAND if I recall his words correctly. When the other two HANDS get tired, I whip in and stroke the justice…..matter of speaking, which means that I'm the guy that gets to go out into the countryside and provide the service of civilized rule.

Ironic….that a guy with the last name Cleaver can hold wisdom court over bands of people that barely know how to piss in a pot without getting it on the sides. Wasteland renegades….these rotten folk, inbred lapdogs that swell the foreboding parts of the kingdom and spill their seed so that I have to come out here and make justice. I'll bet that some of them still wipe their poop-holes with pine-cones. However, this is where my duty lies."

_Pause…_

"The barbarians savages that live out in these out-groves entertain very little clue of how to deliver rightful justice to their own kind. They stand ready to sever a man's genitals, or remove a woman's milk glands for injustices incurred, rather than see to it that the accused receives a fair audience. That's where I come in. I bring the honor and dignity of the Lord's rule. That's just the way it is…..and the reason why I'm here."

_From the back of the cart we hear a voice murmur "HIS OWN" opinion on the subject…_

"Yeah…and Lord Lannister is too busy counting his coin with his little fat fingers to come out and take court with these ruffians himself…."

_Randov turns his head immediately, a sour expression on his face, browbeating the man for the disrespect that he vomited on their ruler._

"Halt your tongue Barewolf, or I'll split it from your open orifice and toss it to…"

The man glances down at a couple of wild dogs who are following in close consort to the wagon.

"…I'll toss it to Murphy back there," Randov continued (cut scene to a smaller, funny looking man sitting in the cart across from Barewolf, sound asleep).

The recipient of the harsh words remains silent for a moment, but then returned…..

"The name's Nudewolf not Barewolf…" the man said, "…and I….."

"Shut the F*** up!"

The camera moves back to Randov.

"As I was saying, I do the Lord's dirty….Justice, and he pays me and my two helper's coin to do it…"

"Yeah, little coin," came from over Randov's shoulder….

He ignored the outburst.

"Anyway, we are now in travel to the township of Oview (in the territory of Barronlands), ready to post "_judgment and fine"_ due on an individual who's been accused of adding to the population of that small village. Not a bad thing, in my opinion (it will help to replenishing the war ranks), but when you consider that half the women of that village are carrying his child, and well, being that their husbands are out on war service for the Lord at this very moment, it is of the Lord's opinion that I address this problem."

Randov whipped the mules with a lash of the reins (in order for them to speed their pace towards the township).

"Like I said, we're headed to Oview, to serve justice, the fact of which…..I can see the village in the near distance now."

_He leans in close to the camera…. And while speaking in a voice as soft as a whisper he adds…._

"….and I'll be glad to get to there….to tell you God's truth. I'm sick of listening to these two bellyache. All they talk about is their itching balls. I think they may have fleas, and I'm tired of hearing about it."

Scene closes.

_**END PART 1**_


End file.
